Sunday, May 31, 2015

Love and be loved.

Love and be loved. That's all we could ever ask for, right? And with that love, we find happiness . . . or at least that's our heart's intention. One of the best books I've ever read is The Five Love Languages by Gary D Chapman. I challenge all of you to purchase this book. (I promise it's a very easy read and makes the perfect coffee table book.) This book will help you understand every SINGLE person in your life, from family members to ex boyfriends or girlfriends, current love interests and even your closest friends. 

Let me elaborate a little further . . . and I'm going to add a special twist. Let's incorporate the five love languages with Father's Day. After all, this is the perfect opportunity to truly show your dad, father figure, grandfather, etc how much you love and adore them-- all by speaking their love language. (And, just a little side note for anyone reading this whose father has passed away, or maybe you do not have a relationship with your father whatsoever. My heart hurts for you that you do not get to spend this Father's Day with your dad. --I send you love, peace and compassion, and I truly mean that. My hope is that this post will still prove meaningful to you. And even if you cannot share these special ideas with your father, that's OK. Surely you can share the love with your father-in-law, your current father figure or whoever your heart desires.)

So as the book will tell you, most people are a combination of at least two of the five love languages. I am a combination of two, but I do show some aspects of all five. The five love languages are: 

1) Physical Touch 
2) Quality Time
3) Words of Affirmation
4) Gifts
5) Acts of Kindness

Men will immediately assume that their primary love language is physical touch. After all, men often admit to being a very "physical" species. But, that isn't always the case, so please hear me out on this. 

Before I go into more specifics, it's extremely important that you understand one key point. It is only natural to love someone the way we feel loved. Did you get that? We love someone the way we feel loved. But that doesn't always translate to the other person. Have you ever been in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and are literally throwing your hands up in the air and saying, "I don't know what more you want me to do. I am doing everything that I can to show you how much I care. Nothing I am doing ever seems to be enough." While there may be many factors that play into this mismatch, one very important aspect is that both people in the relationship do not share the same love languages and are not loving the other person the way they need to be loved.

So how can this translate from a dating relationship and/or marriage to Father's Day? Here's how:

**If you father's love language is physical touch, you probably have fond memories of him tucking you in your bed at night, giving you lots of hugs as a child and overall being very nurturing. I remember when I was little . . . every night when my dad came home from work, no matter what time it was, he would always come up to my room and give me a kiss goodnight on my forehead. Being the little spunky girl I am, I would often play a game with him and cover my head with piles of pillows so that he would have to dig through all of them just to find my face. Yes, I was quite the ham, or so I've been told. 

So, if one of your father's love languages is physical touch, Father's Day should be and can be very simple for you. Your dad would probably be content with a sentimental card, a nice brunch and family bonding time. If you are married and have children, bring over the grandkids and let them be the light of your father's day. Loving you and loving his family, grandchildren, etc is what makes him happy - nothing means more to him than that.


** Up next is quality time. If your father's love language is quality time, then Father's Day is the perfect opportunity to do just that - spend quality time with him. OK, this might sound like a no brainer, but it's really not. More often that not, we all get so consumed with our daily lives that everything turns into one big rush. So this Father's Day, slooooowwwwww down and spend time with your dad. Make this day all about him! If your dad likes tennis, maybe you go play a friendly match of tennis after church. If your dad likes watching sports, then Father's Day Sunday is the perfect time to all get together in the living room with your dad and watch the sporting event of his choice, like the U.S. Open. Even if you don't like sports, that does not matter. It will mean the world to your dad that YOU are taking time out of YOUR day to be spend quality time with him. And your dad may even surprise you and ask you what you would like to do since you two are spending the day together. Now my dad knows better than to ask me that, because then we would spend the entire day shopping. Yes indeed. And that is NOT his idea of fun. Hahaha!



** Words of Affirmation. Awwww yes, this is a good one, and also one of my love languages. Sorry, but if this is not your love language, this can be one of the more difficult ones to learn. So that girl who melts whenever you tell her she is beautiful. No, she is not shallow or vain - she feels loved by your words. And the same thing rings true with your dad if this is his love language. So, in this case, don't buy a mushy Hallmark or Papyrus card with a ton of words that fill the inside of the card. How about you buy a card that is blank on the inside and YOU get to write a special message? It can be something as short and sweet as, "Dad, you have always been there for me, and I know I don't tell you this enough, but I love you! You are my rock, the foundation of this family, and if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be who I am today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for always being there for me. May today, Father's Day, and every day, be as special as you are. XOXO!" Need I say more? And if you have a sibling who has passed, as I have (my brother), I think it's really moving to get a card that says "from both of us" or even a separate card from your brother or sister who is now in Heaven. After all, no parent should ever outlive their child. On a day like Father's Day, you have to know that the thought of losing one of their children is fresh on their mind. 


** Gifts. And this is the easiest love language of all. We all know those people who always make a big deal about Christmas, birthdays, Valentine's Day, etc. Guess what? They are not shallow or materialistic. They truly feel loved when they receive gifts, any kind of gift really. I remember picking flowers for my mom when I walked home from elementary school. Well they were actually weeds, but I was in elementary school, so they looked like pretty white flowers to me. My mom would get so excited (or at least she did a good job pretending), and would put the "weeds" in a cute little glass pyrex dish or a small crystal vase on the windowsill above the kitchen sink. 

Ok, just so I don't get too off track, here's how this translates to Father's Day. What is your dad's hobby? Golf, hunting, sports, cooking, exercising, reading? Every dad has a hobby, even if they work too much - like my dad. If you aren't comfortable buying your dad something "hobby related", dads always love new pajamas, exercise clothes, slippers, socks, wallets and money clips, watches, pocket squares, the latest technology gadgets, and yes, even cologne. Speaking of colognes, one of my favorite colognes right now is an exclusive fragrance from Argos, called Argos Nyx. (Argos is not available yet in any retailers like Neiman Marcus or Nordstrom, so that is precisely why I'm sharing this secret with you.) If you like the highly sought after CREED fragrance line, you will absolutely LOVE Argos, especially their brand new Argo Nyx cologne. It's a multi-dimensional fragrance with a hint of sweetness and a touch of spice. And, just in time for Father's Day, Argos is running a Father's Day special with 30% off Argos Nyx bottles! You have to check out their web site at www.buyargos.com to see for yourself. My suggestion would be to purchase one bottle of the Argos Nyx cologne and add on one of their re-fillable atomizers. The atomizers range in price points, and I can promise you that you have never seen anything like this (and neither has your dad)! From atomizers that look like old-fashioned cigarette lighters, to chrome atomizers in the shape of a pen, both with swarovski crystal accents . . . no detail goes overlooked. 

** Last, and certainly not least, is acts of kindness. On this Father's Day, if your dad's love language is acts of kindness, it's time to get creative. Maybe you surprise your father with breakfast in bed, or you do all the dishes in the kitchen and take out the trash. Maybe your dad gets all "yucked up" this time or year outside cleaning pine needles out of the gutters. Do you know what that means? Today is your lucky day! You have the opportunity to show him how much you LOVE him, and you can get all sweaty with him helping with outdoor chores. And, at the end of the day, your dad will never forget what you did. You did it because you care. Because you love him. Because Father's Day is not about you, unless of course you are a father too; but it is about showing our father's we love them, unconditionally.



And I'd like to close this blog post with an amazing quote by Oscar Wilde:

"The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention." May we remember that today and every day, and especially on this upcoming Father's Day, Sunday, June 21, 2015.

Want help with creative gift ideas? Or maybe you want to make sure that this Father's Day is the most memorable one yet? Simply shoot Laura an e-mail at: Laura@life-stylebylaura

All other media and styling inquiries can also be directed to: Laura@life-stylebylaura.com 

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All skinnyinheels.com blog posts are © of Laura Fedock with Life-STYLE by Laura. All rights reserved.  The content, verbiage and descriptions used in this post and any blog post cannot be copied or republished without written consent from Laura Fedock. All photo credit is given to photographers when the photo is taken by a professional photographer. Any quotes that are included in the blog posts are always credited to respective authors. Further, any quotes from books or even the mention of books by professional authors are given credit where credit is due.

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